My Year of Living Intuitively
I have always felt slightly advanced in my understanding and comprehension of the world. Much like in a film that relies on foreshadowing, I have at times been able to know what lies ahead. However, what can more commonly be described as my intuition, though it has kept me safe, I did not always trust it and my power. This year brought me back to what I suppose I can say I knew all along and regain that unwavering confidence.
In 2020, a year that reflects our underlying collective melancholy, I reached that level of martyrdom where I sighed finally. Not to the global pandemic, but rather the roots of how it transpired, along with the mistreatment of fellow humans, animals, and the environment. Just so we are clear. Our actions on a macro level will support either the good or the bad in our society. This realization hit home for me, particularly this year, with the nagging pains I held onto. I could not let some things go because of the deeper previously unforeseen implications they had on the world. This understanding led me through an intricate web of gunk, thinking back to choices I supported in the past, even in my reputably good persona. But it is that acknowledgment and accountability we must all take. I am all for free will, but thinking of why you are doing the things you do and having a conscience is kind of important.
I faced anything that made me feel unhappy, insecure, and uncomfortable within myself and the world, and the slew of global traumatic experiences helped highlight everything. I allowed myself to feel, unapologetically. As a sensitive soul, it was first reclaiming that as powerful, and from there to not self-impose or accept external stressors or judgment as part of my identity. I comprehended the projections imposed upon me over the years and saw them in a new light. All these implications ultimately destroyed my romantic notions of life, and I sought to regain them. We have to start believing in our sense of realism, that we are worthy of the dreams we hold in our hearts.
In following my intuition, I found a balance between my mind, heart, and associated receptivity in my body. That has been the biggest hurdle to get everything working in tandem. Here are some other noteworthy lessons from my year of living intuitively:
Go Back to Your Roots and Water Them
For the sake of your inner child and your inner teenager, go back to the beginning. See what patterns you developed through conditioning. I have carefully taken the time to reconnect with my bold little leader inside, who also has a penchant for collecting rocks and feathers when in nature, doing anything creative in addition to writing and learning, a lot. I also tend to have multiple projects going at once and leave a scattered mass of craft supplies in my wake. Owning it, if I can make physical messes but clean up emotional ones, it’s a solid trade-off.
I have held so many foolish thoughts of myself since I was younger, and I have focused on reframing every moment. I sought to heal relationships to allow the roots to grow deeper and to find commonalities. Not through shared or similar traumas, but to truly understand the hows and whys of their experiential choices and source genuine compassion for them. Whenever I do that, it brings a solution to the seemingly insurmountable problems.
“You can’t run away from your problems.”
A dear friend said this to me. I think when I last saw her in January? Who knows. She re-entered my life a few years ago and was like a missing piece of my puzzle. Unresolved and suppressed feelings from moments in our youth had impacted me in ways unrealized. In our new chapter together, we discussed those moments, and it was a beautiful opportunity to be seen and heard (and her likewise) as a multi-faceted being. We tend to get boxed into our singular archetypes and stereotypes. As the strong nurturer, I too, needed a form of support she provided simply by providing me with another perspective and the weight of unnecessary guilt lifted.
Taking the time to sit within the feelings and support one another without projection is what matters.
If you can intuit a (potential) scenario that triggers you, it is pertinent to in your discernment understand the root of the associated fear. If you can do this, you can alter the way things will unfold and eliminate further suffering. We bring forth tendencies from childhood to project upon one another in search of external fulfillment. That is where the path of unhealthy behaviors start.
Appreciate Your Duality and Walk the Middle Path
We all have masculine and feminine sides, dark and light. The list goes on. It has been the epic journey of acceptance to appreciate when I am both happy and sad and removing a pang of guilt or anxiety for any thought or feeling that veers too far on either side. Life is in a constant state of flux, as shown through every human. However, we tend to pick extremes that get us into a state of frustration. It is in the allowance of those thoughts and feelings to flow, and not claiming them as a singular identification we can embody our dualism. The same, of course, relates to the heart vs. mind complex. A healthy ego comes from a loudly beating heart that leads you toward purpose and passion.
Forge along a career path for purpose and passion
I have had years of disappointments in this regard. If you read this and owe me money, it is not too late. All the skills I picked up along the way got me to this new point of origin, and I dig it. Writing has always been my best form of creative expression and a way to resonate with others. I can help people through thoughtful and humorous engagement, and hopefully, they will be able to see another perspective. The new normal ideally will be having conversations about personal betterment and how that improves the world itself. To contribute to that in my purposeful position is incredibly fulfilling and initiates a consistency of enjoyable experiences.
Stop Emphasizing Peak Experiences
I say this after years of event producing. The buildup is real to a live show, festival, conference, whatever, but the magic is only there for those who do not see behind the green veil where the Wizard hides. I went to film school, and I remember one of my college professors said: “The magic you see when you watch something will be lost, once you start working in the industry.” He was right, and the irony is that years later, I find magic in realism, and I have come to a point where the little moments in the day are my peaks. I don’t need to have the big momentous occasion to be excited over.
Granted, looking back, I am in awe of the dreams I did make come true over the years. Many of those professional moments that affected me personally were because I believed they could and would happen. The conversations had where we impacted one another with our raw vulnerability and hope for positive change were my peaks. Not because of the private parties or great outfits I wore, though I do miss a good pencil skirt. This year in a deeper state of my authenticity, I have been able to find those conversations again in my everyday life.
Reflect on how far you have come and how that can be externalized to help others.
I was looking through photos from 2020 the other day, and I looked at my evolution. The year designed itself to justify my lifelong frustrations with cruelty, oppression, lack of vulnerability, and germs. See what I mean by being ahead of the curve? But to equate it to a life experience, the past nine months seemed like a birthing process.
I came to more self-love and intuitively listening and trusting what was coming to me. This year I said goodbye to some deeply rooted BS ideas about myself. It was an opportunity for ego cleanup, and in my heightened sensitivity, I could also see what the projection of others meant beyond their willing admittance. It was like all the years of internal learning was my intuition guiding me. And the egoic insecurities that led me through painful experiences to better learn the human condition finally came into harmony. The lessons found cohesion, and now I can move forward with the application to be of better service to others.
This year brought phenomenal cathartic conversations, learning about and engaging in different topics, and redefining myself as everything I always wanted to be and knew I was. I am The Artist, The Athlete, The Explorer, The Intuitive, The Lover, and above all else, The Seeker. I also alphabetized them as The Reader and The Writer.
This year has been expansive. In the moments of anger, sadness, and despair, it is wise to choose to have them serve a purpose. Make your pain work for you, understand the balance, be grateful for that everyday honest magic.